Don’t Touch That Dial….
Don’t sing that song, unless you mean it! You got to do it with a tear in your eye! Don’t sing that song, unless you mean it! Testify! Testify! I’m falling apart, breaking my fucking heart! Will someone let me know, if they play a song I know?
Galesburg, IL. Lived here for six months, held a job for two.
I thought moving to Galesburg from Springfield to live with my girlfriend would open more opportunities to advance myself in my life. Be in a positive environment, spend more time with the girlfriend, and to try and sustain her happiness.
But I was wrong.
I was happy once I first moved here. I lived with her, her sister, and her boyfriend. For that first three months, I did nothing but lay around with her until she went to school, played video games while I waited for my tax return to come in, and then spent little to no time once she got home from school / work. She basically took care of me, and not the other way around. After my tax return ran out, I found a job stocking shelves at Hy-Vee.
Because of the fact that I stopped paying insurance on my car after it was in teh shop for three months, the state of IL revoked my driver’s license. With that being said, I had to rely on others to get around. I eventually just started walking to and back from work, even to the gas station to get cigarettes and soda. So I worked there for two months, and was asked to quit because I wasn’t working faster than the other employee’s when I was the first one done with my job.
Now I’m back to the basics. No job, very little money, no license to drive my car that’s currently sitting in Springfield. I’ve been trying to push to get into the regular Army but St. Louis is being very slow about moving my paper work so I can enlist.
So every day, I mope around the house- wondering when I’ll be happy again. The past few weeks, I feel more like a burden here than I do like family. I stay up late to avoid any real human confrontation and sleep in late to start that process over again. I have no friends here, I have limited things to do, no one to really talk to. No one close to me besides Hannah who just pushes me to do better things- which absolutely drives me up a wall. I’m a procrastinator, I’m lazy, I know these things. But taking care of things on my time is always how I have been. All these bad habits, are my fault. I realize this, but when the world feels like it’s letting me down- I do nothing but drown in my own sorrow.
I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I? My dear.
