Tephan.Is.On.Fire

It seems like a run-a-round, words that won’t matter. And as it falls from your mouth it seems like you, needed it more. And I will color you all red, I will color you all…red.

There is something I want to address, and here is the best place I can.

Listen, I don’t like you.  I really never have.  Why don’t you understand that?
For the past year, I’ve somewhat watch you grow.  I was very fond of you at first, figured you were still young and naive.  I enjoyed spending time with you, as much as I was willing to offer.  But as days, weeks, and months passed.  I began to realize.

You are still just a little girl.

Your cries for help were just a way for you to get attention.  I tended to your needs at first, but then quickly realized the dead end I had came to.  I pushed myself away, when every one came to your side.  But you always came back to me, after every time I pushed you farther away.

Told me you liked me.
Told me you loved me.
Told me I was your brother.

I don’t fucking get it.  Honestly, I really don’t.  After every compliment you threw at me, I still pushed you away.  Because, I don’t need you in my life.  My friend’s come to your every beck and call, but not me.  I’m not going to torture myself to someone that doesn’t even know what love is.  There were never any feelings there- for you and I.  But why persist in something you will never accomplish.

Day in, day out.  I will not look at you, not even acknowledge you.  I was doing a great job at evading your eyes and your words.  But, I left myself vulnerable.  I let someone close to me, near you.  That was my mistake.  How could I, have been so dumb?  You started your introduction by explaining to her that you heard sooo much about her?  But how could you have?  You never knew she existed- at least not from me.  But it wasn’t me who told you, oh, I know it wasn’t me.  Either you pried into my life or someone- maybe your boyfriend told you.  Which, is a complete fucking no-no in my life.  Why should my business be paraded about to everyone?  It shouldn’t.  It really shouldn’t.

It feels like you are just using her- to get to me.  Claiming that you like her, to everyone that asks.  Which, puts me in an even worse situation.  Now, in the future, I will have to deal with you.  And just like the past, I’ll never give you the time of day.  You are nothing but a child to me, and forever will be.  Regardless of what you try to accomplish by doing this- I will see right through you.  You drag me down, and my friends.  The drama that you call your “life” is frivolous and disappointing, in my eyes.  So why persist?  . 

I love my life, I love the people who are in it.
But you, I will never love you.
I will never CARE for you.
Why don’t you understand that?

I will never approve of anything you do, the lives you consume.
The people you date- none of it.
I have an amassed hatred towards you.
And only you.