Photo 3
Notes
Posted 4 months ago
I wish I could remember who that guy in the picture was above.  I know it’s me, physically but emotionally- I don’t recognize him.  I still wish I did.  I thought I was a fun kid.  The person that stood up for anyone and everyone without thinking twice about it.  But, lacked the emotional foundation to keep myself happy.  Seven years later, I’m still in that same state.  I know more about myself than I did then.  But I’m still finding myself. Zoom

I wish I could remember who that guy in the picture was above.  I know it’s me, physically but emotionally- I don’t recognize him.  I still wish I did.  I thought I was a fun kid.  The person that stood up for anyone and everyone without thinking twice about it.  But, lacked the emotional foundation to keep myself happy.  Seven years later, I’m still in that same state.  I know more about myself than I did then.  But I’m still finding myself.

Photo
Posted 6 months ago
“I know my call, despite my faults and despite my growing fears.”I love my girlfriend, more than you know.But I’m a horrible boyfriend.And I know this.Sucks. Zoom

“I know my call, despite my faults and despite my growing fears.”

I love my girlfriend, more than you know.
But I’m a horrible boyfriend.
And I know this.
Sucks.

Text
Posted 7 months ago

Don’t Touch That Dial….

Don’t sing that song, unless you mean it!  You got to do it with a tear in your eye!  Don’t sing that song, unless you mean it!  Testify!  Testify!  I’m falling apart, breaking my fucking heart!  Will someone let me know, if they play a song I know?

Galesburg, IL.  Lived here for six months, held a job for two.
I thought moving to Galesburg from Springfield to live with my girlfriend would open more opportunities to advance myself in my life.  Be in a positive environment, spend more time with the girlfriend, and to try and sustain her happiness.

But I was wrong.

I was happy once I first moved here.  I lived with her, her sister, and her boyfriend.  For that first three months, I did nothing but lay around with her until she went to school, played video games while I waited for my tax return to come in, and then spent little to no time once she got home from school / work.  She basically took care of me, and not the other way around.  After my tax return ran out, I found a job stocking shelves at Hy-Vee.

Because of the fact that I stopped paying insurance on my car after it was in teh shop for three months, the state of IL revoked my driver’s license.  With that being said, I had to rely on others to get around.  I eventually just started walking to and back from work, even to the gas station to get cigarettes and soda.  So I worked there for two months, and was asked to quit because I wasn’t working faster than the other employee’s when I was the first one done with my job.

Now I’m back to the basics. No job, very little money, no license to drive my car that’s currently sitting in Springfield.  I’ve been trying to push to get into the regular Army but St. Louis is being very slow about moving my paper work so I can enlist.

So every day, I mope around the house- wondering when I’ll be happy again.  The past few weeks, I feel more like a burden here than I do like family.  I stay up late to avoid any real human confrontation and sleep in late to start that process over again.  I have no friends here, I have limited things to do, no one to really talk to.  No one close to me besides Hannah who just pushes me to do better things- which absolutely drives me up a wall.  I’m a procrastinator, I’m lazy, I know these things.  But taking care of things on my time is always how I have been.  All these bad habits, are my fault.  I realize this, but when the world feels like it’s letting me down- I do nothing but drown in my own sorrow.

I really fucked it up this time, didn’t I?  My dear.

Photo
Posted 11 months ago
This gentlemen, is my idol.The one person I idolize the most.After listening to him for going on five plus years now.I’ve decided to dedicate my right shoulder to some of his album covers and lyrics.Now, I just gotta find a way to put them together.

This gentlemen, is my idol.
The one person I idolize the most.
After listening to him for going on five plus years now.
I’ve decided to dedicate my right shoulder to some of his album covers and lyrics.
Now, I just gotta find a way to put them together.

Text
Posted 11 months ago

I’ve Decided.

To buy a camera instead of a xBox 360.

I want something other than just sitting around and playing videogames, waiting for my girlfriend to steal me away from it- even though it captures most of my time.  I need something for her and I do to do together.  It would fill my heart with joy again to be able to go out and just take pictures.

Haven’t really done that in three to four years.

Text
Posted 11 months ago

You know she’s the one.

deadcantestify:

C:”Which champ should I play?”

E:”Well, who have you played recently?”

C:”Xin Zhao, Evelyn, Fiddlesticks, and Shen.”

E:”Why would you play Eve? I thought she sucked.”

C:”Oh, she does. Kodie played her and fed. I wanted to see what I could do.”

E:”How’d it go?”

C:”I fed.”

 LAWL.  Sounds like the majority of my games.
I will eventually become a bamf with Evelyn on League of Legends.
She makes my heart swoon, especially in her Tango outfit.

via shekeptcallingme-deactivated201
Quote
Posted 1 year ago
Live, Love, Burn, Die.
“Lip Gloss And Black” by Atreyu.

I’m still alive, I promise.
Still no internet.
Photo
Posted 1 year ago
A lot of the time, I wish I could make her happier than I can make myself.And most of the time, it’s true.Lately, I’ve been financially stabbing myself in the back.All because of a car.  All because of my expensive taste.If it wasn’t for the $275 dollar car payment.  The $175 a month insurance premium.  If it wasn’t for these, I’d be set.  I wouldn’t be struggling to survive.  The five months I was without a car, I kept pushing my insurance payment.  I barely even made my car payments on time.  Now, I still pay $275 a month for my car payment.  Since I haven’t paid my insurance company in five months, I now owe them around $1075 dollars.  They want me to pay around $600 at the end of the month and I can’t financially afford it.  Not till the middle of November.I hate being financially fucked.Ontop of that, because my plates didn’t get taken care of like I thought they were, I got pulled over today and fined $170 dollars.  So, let’s do some math.170 (ticket) + 120 (plates) = $290.I won’t even be able to afford to do either till November.So, with that being said, I’ll have a $275 car payment on top of that.And I’ll have to pay another $175 for insurance that month.That’s $740 dollars due by the 15th of November.Can I not catch a fucking break?I only bring home around a grand a month, including my new job at Best Buy.I’m just stressed.  I’m going back and forth from being homeless, trying to stay in shape, trying to make sure my girlfriend is happy, trying to make it back and forth to school and work.  Just, I’m struggling.  And I wish I didn’t have to.It feels like I’m affecting my relationship because of the financial situations I put myself in.  I’m just glad my car is payed off in February.  I hope that after this month, I’ll be able to be stable enough to go see Hannah whenever I want to.  I just hate playing catch up.  I’ve contemplated selling stuff to catch up.  But I know it won’t be worth it.Just someone, please.  Remind me that things will get easier once in a while.I can surely fucking use it. Zoom

A lot of the time, I wish I could make her happier than I can make myself.
And most of the time, it’s true.

Lately, I’ve been financially stabbing myself in the back.
All because of a car.  All because of my expensive taste.
If it wasn’t for the $275 dollar car payment.  The $175 a month insurance premium.  If it wasn’t for these, I’d be set.  I wouldn’t be struggling to survive.  The five months I was without a car, I kept pushing my insurance payment.  I barely even made my car payments on time.  Now, I still pay $275 a month for my car payment.  Since I haven’t paid my insurance company in five months, I now owe them around $1075 dollars.  They want me to pay around $600 at the end of the month and I can’t financially afford it.  Not till the middle of November.

I hate being financially fucked.
Ontop of that, because my plates didn’t get taken care of like I thought they were, I got pulled over today and fined $170 dollars.  So, let’s do some math.

170 (ticket) + 120 (plates) = $290.
I won’t even be able to afford to do either till November.
So, with that being said, I’ll have a $275 car payment on top of that.
And I’ll have to pay another $175 for insurance that month.
That’s $740 dollars due by the 15th of November.
Can I not catch a fucking break?
I only bring home around a grand a month, including my new job at Best Buy.

I’m just stressed.  I’m going back and forth from being homeless, trying to stay in shape, trying to make sure my girlfriend is happy, trying to make it back and forth to school and work.  Just, I’m struggling.  And I wish I didn’t have to.

It feels like I’m affecting my relationship because of the financial situations I put myself in.  I’m just glad my car is payed off in February.  I hope that after this month, I’ll be able to be stable enough to go see Hannah whenever I want to.  I just hate playing catch up.  I’ve contemplated selling stuff to catch up.  But I know it won’t be worth it.

Just someone, please.  Remind me that things will get easier once in a while.
I can surely fucking use it.

Text
Posted 1 year ago

Every touch, every smile, every frown.

deadcantestify:

 Stephan Lawson…

Thank you.

 You ARE Welcome.
Very much so.

Photo
Posted 1 year ago
Hannah is more cute than me.And it pisses me off..Srsly.This lovely lady is my world, and to-date the longest relationship I have been in.  I’ve looked back at a lot of the relationships that I have been in.  And I’m glad they have failed.  I’m glad that all those girls have led me to her.  I really have never been this happy before.  And I love how her and I’s relationship is the way it is.  I could not have had a better lady in my life.  I relate us to Scrubs characters a lot, and it’s akward how close we are too them.  And sorry Tumblr I haven’t been posting, again.  No computer nor do I have internet.  But I will once Medal of Honor and the new Call of Duty game comes out.  I got to have something to keep me busy during the week when I’m not in class, playing Army, or with the wifey.

Hannah is more cute than me.
And it pisses me off..
Srsly.

This lovely lady is my world, and to-date the longest relationship I have been in.  I’ve looked back at a lot of the relationships that I have been in.  And I’m glad they have failed.  I’m glad that all those girls have led me to her.  I really have never been this happy before.  And I love how her and I’s relationship is the way it is.  I could not have had a better lady in my life.  I relate us to Scrubs characters a lot, and it’s akward how close we are too them.  And sorry Tumblr I haven’t been posting, again.  No computer nor do I have internet.  But I will once Medal of Honor and the new Call of Duty game comes out.  I got to have something to keep me busy during the week when I’m not in class, playing Army, or with the wifey.